it has been over a month since i have been able to collect the words i want to say. my surgery went well, rehab went better. mom and dad came in after sheila left and spent 10 days with me. during that time dad put new handles on all my doors, with the same key; replaced the door in the basement, and put a mirror up in the entry way. the mirror was for my sister. she asked that he put it up so that every day when i left and when i came home, i could look at it and tell myself how beautiful i am, how special i am. i am working in it. we had a great time together. we had a bbq at misty and jeremy's house the sunday before they left. sasha, bobbie, caroline and their dog sadie joined us. i was watching caroline playing in the backyard with milo, misty and jeremey's dog, and sadie. for the first time i had a longing in my heart for her to have someone to play with. a brother, sister or even a cousin. that night, sasha sent me an email with a picture of caroline holding a sign that said "i am going to be a big sister". i never expected an answer to prayer so quickly! my heart is so full of love longing to love and hold this new sweet baby in july.
i have been losing weight in the past 6 months, 67 pounds so far. i have gone back to work not realizing i hadn't seen these people in 6 weeks, and not expecting all the complements. not only am i walking without limping, looking like a penguin as layla puts it, but i am alot thinner. i am gaining confidence in myself every day. i am learning to love myself like i have never done before. trying my best to love myself as my jesus loves me. no longer will i make an excuse for a complement, i am learning to say thank you without qualification, just thank you. this is very difficult for me. people are telling me i look fantastic and i know i blush, but i reply "thank you". i look the mirror on my way out the door and tell my self "you are a child of god, worthy of his love and you are beautiful" they say the more you say something in the affirmative, the more you will believe it to be true. so i practice every day.
only god could give me back this new confidence in myself, and i give all the praise and glory to him.
lastly, christmas baking! my favorite thing to do. misty and i spent a full day in the kitchen, and i went to bobbie and caroline's for another full day
to do most of the baking. nothing better than three shelves in the convection oven to bake cookies in! in everything i make, i put all the love in my heart into it. being in the kitchen is where i love to be the most. knowing that with each bite, folks will know that i love them and appreciate all the things they do. some recipients at work do not get any accolades from anyone. god has given me the gift of baking to show his love through a cookie, bar of fudge and all sorts of goodies. oh, how i love this time of year.
to everyone, i wish you the love of a father that sent his only son to die for our sins. to be born quietly in a dark place with only animals around. when he returns for us it will not be quiet, it will be loud with a bright light like we have never seen. merry christmas everyone, spend time with your family with only the expectation of giving to others, loving each other as our father loves us.
