52 and counting

i turned 52 this week. i have spent a lot of time this week reflecting on my life. i never thought i would be who i am now 40 yrs ago. i imagined myself growing old with a husband, children and grand children. my life was to have been perfect. great house, good job, adoring husband, wonderful kids....the hardest thing in my life would have been which car to buy next. fast forward to reality. what a trip....so far from the imagined life i thought i would have. but so much richer. i have so much more than i deserve. i am alive, have wonderful kids, an amazing relationship with the my granddaughter, a home, a job, health insurance and above all else, i have the peace that only my god can give. i still have dreams, dreams from the past, dreams for the present, and dreams for the future. i want to love again, i want someone to share the rest of my life with. i dream of giving of myself and my home to those who have no one and nothing. i have all this room here, and no one to take care of. that is what i long to do. take care of and love someone who doesn't really know what it is like to be special. i don't know what the rest of my life has in store for me, but i do know that there is something there. right around the corner. waiting to surprise me again. happy birthday self, it is going to be a great year!

mourning a loss

the past 5 years i have been on an amazing journey seeking God. in doing so i found a group of people that were on the same road as i. somewhere on this journey, i sort of got misdirected. one degree off the truth might as well have been going in the opposite direction. seeking jesus through works and other things. the gospel was diluted, the truth distorted, grace and mercy were something that was earned, and there was an awful ache for the betrayal that had come.

fast forward to 8 months ago....we started meeting in sean and christys basement. tight fit, intimate, but back on track. gospel restored, nothing but the truth in jesus, grace and mercy is freely given. as a church family we have dived deep into the truth of the gospel. just jesus, nothing else. we have spent months healing, helping and serving each other. finding our way, learning to trust as individuals and as a church body.

now it is time to move on. to learn to trust again. i am mourning the loss of my church as i have known it, but am excitedly anticipating what god has planned for me. we will all be searching for a new home, but we will never forget the one we came from. for out of the ashes we have been raised to a new place, seated in the palms of his hands waiting to see what he has planned next for us.

i love these people more than i thought i could love. they are the most giving, caring, gentle and compassionate people i have ever met. they love the lord with so much passion it makes it easy to do the same. so, now with tears streaming down my face, i want to share this old hymn that says it all for me right now.

Jesus, Jesus how I trust him
How I've proved him o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus precious Jesus
Oh for grace to trust him more

Take my life and let it be
Given wholly Lord to thee
Take my lips in ceaseless praise
And I will give it all to Thee
I will give it all to Thee

we give you back your basement denards....your love and open hearts will not be forgotten.
god bless us all!