Perfect thanksgiving.....maybe not!

I posted this a couple of years ago. as we enter into the season of being thankful, i thought it beared repeating!

the perfect thanksgiving....maybe not!

this time of year can get pretty stressful. expectations this time of year lead to disappointment and heartbreaks. why is it we take one day a year, and make that day the day when everything has to be just right? the table has to be set with good china, decorations all around the house, mom or grandma the kitchen trying to get everything done just right. some of the family can't make it because they have out of state family to visit...here comes disappointment sneaking up quietly. (my family has 6 parents all living in different places. we have dinner at misty's house with 4 parents, siblings family and those with no family to go to. sasha will spend thanksgiving with bobbies mom and grandma in atlanta.) ok, dinner is on the table....is the turkey cooked enough? is the stuffing just right? great, the food is a success! wait! what was that? you said what? ok, so you won't be here next year? you have to go somewhere else? but it is thanksgiving day, you have to be here on that day! here comes the heartbreak! another hurtful word is spoken, conversation getting heated. you try to diffuse, but the fire storm has started........WAIT PEOPLE! turkey day is just another day to celebrate family. the past month i have spent time with both kids, my sister and my parents. eating, visiting, loving, sharing life together because that is why we do what we do. pressure, stress, disappointment, heartbreak comes with an expectation of a perfect thanksgiving. my favorite thanksgiving growing up was the year my mom, dad, sheila and i went to the trails (restaurant). we didn't have to drive 3-5 hours (it seemed that long) to great grandmas, or grandparents in a rush to get there for the perfect thanksgiving. we just went down the street to eat. we laughed, made way to much noise, just the 4 of us, everyone else in the restaurant disappeared. it was THE PERFECT THANKSGIVING! as a cancer survivor, i am thankful everyday my feet hit the floor. my kids (spouses included) and caroline are my joy. giving the girl in the drive thru a kind word, the angry cashier at the grocery store a smile and a God bless you, giving the guy standing in the rain asking for money an umbrella...giving! THANKSGIVING folks, not a day but a spirit that should be with us year round! a spirit and love God has given to us for free! why keep it to ourselves. this year, make everyday a day of thanks, not just in november and december, but year round. in spreading love and kindness, you can give that one person the hope to live another day. show Jesus everyday! throw your expectations out the window, enjoy what you have and who you have, you might be surprised in the joy of simply loving!

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four days after! and a rest in peace!

it has been a rough four days but  i have endured and god has taught me a great lesson! the surgery went well. i was not in as much pain as i thought i would be in, but painful enough! i hadn't been sleeping much the week before and the first couple nights afterwards. i started to medicate before i thought the pain would come back and i must have lost count and the times i took my pain pills. tuesday morning sasha asked if i was still drunk. misty, bobbie and mom had also noticed i was slurring my words. by wednesday morning i got scared and thought i may have had a stroke. sasha took me to the emergency room and they admitted me that night. after numerous tests and finding all were normal they released me thursday evening! i was so tired i slept for nine hours! enter the guilt. i guess i knew thursday afternoon that this whole ordeal was me over medicating and not sleeping. that will not happen again. through this god showed  me once again that he is in control and i can't handle being in charge. today i am still in quite a bit of pain, but only in the area that they cut me and where they put the battery in. the previous pain from my back problem isn't there anymore. i hope to feel my toes any day now. 

why is it that we feel the need to take over our lives, when time after time we fail, and fail miserably? we are human, but god seems to bring us back to humility with our mistakes and by his amazing grace we are healed inside and out! so, for now, until i feel the need to take on his role again, i am giving it all to him!

on a different note, i lost my uncle this last weekend. uncle monty, my mom's brother. oh how he made me laugh! he reminded me so much of my grandpa in that way! his children are his legacy and he was loved by many! but today i picture him with my grandparents, laughing, telling jokes and dancing with grandma. rip uncle monty, you will be missed by many!

my big day!

today is my big day! i will have a permanent spinal cord stimulator implanted! a few weeks ago i had my trial with the stimulator, it was amazing! for 3 days the only pain i had was from where the wires were coming out of my back and where the needle went in to place the leads!  i am a little bit scared, well, maybe a lot scared! they will be so close to my spine, and the 2 incisions are going to hurt for a couple of weeks! i won't be able to pick up the boys for a long time, but the trade off will be amazing!  i will update as soon as i can? this will be my journal for a few weeks. 

so here we go!