joy, joy, joy, joy, down in my heart!

it has been over a month since i have been able to collect the words i want to say. my surgery went well, rehab went better. mom and dad came in after sheila left and spent 10 days with me. during that time dad put new handles on all my doors, with the same key; replaced the door in the basement, and put a mirror up in the entry way. the mirror was for my sister. she asked that he put it up so that every day when i left and when i came home, i could look at it and tell myself how beautiful i am, how special i am. i am working in it. we had a great time together. we had a bbq at misty and jeremy's house the sunday before they left. sasha, bobbie, caroline and their dog sadie joined us. i was watching caroline playing in the backyard with milo, misty and jeremey's dog, and sadie. for the first time i had a longing in my heart for her to have someone to play with. a brother, sister or even a cousin. that night, sasha sent me an email with a picture of caroline holding a sign that said "i am going to be a big sister". i never expected an answer to prayer so quickly! my heart is so full of love longing to love and hold this new sweet baby in july.

i have been losing weight in the past 6 months, 67 pounds so far. i have gone back to work not realizing i hadn't seen these people in 6 weeks, and not expecting all the complements. not only am i walking without limping, looking like a penguin as layla puts it, but i am alot thinner. i am gaining confidence in myself every day. i am learning to love myself like i have never done before. trying my best to love myself as my jesus loves me. no longer will i make an excuse for a complement, i am learning to say thank you without qualification, just thank you. this is very difficult for me. people are telling me i look fantastic and i know i blush, but i reply "thank you". i look the mirror on my way out the door and tell my self "you are a child of god, worthy of his love and you are beautiful" they say the more you say something in the affirmative, the more you will believe it to be true. so i practice every day.
only god could give me back this new confidence in myself, and i give all the praise and glory to him.

lastly, christmas baking! my favorite thing to do. misty and i spent a full day in the kitchen, and i went to bobbie and caroline's for another full day to do most of the baking. nothing better than three shelves in the convection oven to bake cookies in! in everything i make, i put all the love in my heart into it. being in the kitchen is where i love to be the most. knowing that with each bite, folks will know that i love them and appreciate all the things they do. some recipients at work do not get any accolades from anyone. god has given me the gift of baking to show his love through a cookie, bar of fudge and all sorts of goodies. oh, how i love this time of year.

to everyone, i wish you the love of a father that sent his only son to die for our sins. to be born quietly in a dark place with only animals around. when he returns for us it will not be quiet, it will be loud with a bright light like we have never seen. merry christmas everyone, spend time with your family with only the expectation of giving to others, loving each other as our father loves us.

sheila

i spent the last week with my sister. you may think "ok, and?". the first thing that pops into my head is "wow, i just spent a week with my sister!". we live 2220 miles away from each other and don't talk often because we are busy living our lives. we didn't know each other very well either, we live 2200 miles away from each other. the last time we spent any time alone together was 1988. and did i mention we live 2200 miles apart? when we do visit each other there is family and things moving at such a fast pace we only touched the surface of each others lives. this time it was just me and her. this time she came out alone to help me as i recover. we talked, watched funny movies, laughed and cried together. did the things sisters do together. she rearranged furniture, organized rooms, cleaned out closests and bedrooms. as i watched her do this, i realized that this is her, this is who she is. never still for long, helping out where she can. she drank beer, i drank my tequila! we talked of life, past and present. talked about god, church, family and shared in memories that only siblings share. i found a place in my heart that had grown cold and lonely fill with warmth and love again. until next time sweet sister! i will miss you still, but this time i will hold you close in my heart! and your phone will ring more often!

ouch

ok, the surgery is over,the pain when I woke up was almost unbearable. misty said i was like a junkie desperate for a fix, oh what pain it was too. today i am 5 days out and getting around pretty well. probably more than i should. i have been spending about 6 hours on a continuous passive movement machine, or a cpm. physical therapy 2 times a day, eat, sleep and pee...alot. i really don't know what i expected, but i am doing better than i thought i would be, the pain is different than before, i am able to find a place where i am not in pain, making sleep come quicker and last longer. i have lost an additional 4 pounds since i came home, probably because i am exercising for the first time in a long time. i am really surpeised i am sticking to my diet plan. it would be so easy to eat a bunch of comfort food, but that is what my relationship was with food in the past. misty and bobbie have been taking turns staying with me, misty of course thinks she has to do it all! Sheila will come monday night and spend a week with me. mom and dad shortly after she leaves. i won't be alone much in the next few weeks. far different from my everyday life. in the meantime, i am extremely bored. sleepy, but just can't quite get to sleep. i want to crochet, but just can't pick up the yarn. i have to get outside today, even if it is just a drive to the store for a diet coke! a new life right around at the corner! i can do all things through christ who strengthens me. phil 4:13

anticipation

ok, I am going to admit that I am getting a little scared. one week from tomorrow, a day I have been looking forward to for a couple of years, I will get my new knee. I have worked hard to lose the weight I needed to lose so the dr would say yes. so, with my weight loss and my new knee I will become a new kim, on the outside. the inside still needs a lot of work. I am still lonely and tired of always having an excuse why I don't go anywhere or do anything. anticipation of a new me is emerging on the horizon. I can feel it, and I desperately want it. so, although I am a little scared of the pain and recovery from a new knee, I anxiously await the new me that I will become. I am also excited that my sister is coming the week after while I recover and that my parents will finally make the trip they planned last October when dad found out he had cancer. mom had her second knee done in august and is recovering just fine.

one last thing... I have been trying to fit in where I think god is wanting me to be, but I still have this longing for "my" family church. is it possible that rooted in this family is where I need to be, and at the same time try to feel like I belong to something else? this is an ongoing struggle I have had for a long time. I try to listen but I just don't hear. I read the word every day, yet I still can't hear. tonight I will meet with "my" family again. we will eat together, pray together and love on each other. Wednesday night I will go to my new group and we will talk and pray together.( ooooh, I hope Rodney gets his guitar out tonight) I will meet god in both places, and that is always a good thing. I am listening god!

reflection

i was limping around the plant today and noticed that more peope smile at me and take time to talk to me again. then i realized it had been going on for a couple of weeks now. what has changed? why now? could be that i am smiling at them more, i am taking time to talk to them more? i am now at a place again that i like myself.  really? could it be as easy as that? i am no longer hiding in my office with a scoul on my face, feeling self pity and shame. i can look at a reflection of myself and not cringe.

re·flec·tion (ri-flek-shuhn)
the act of reflecting or the state of being reflected.

an image; representation; counterpart.
a fixing of the thoughts on something; careful consideration.
a thought occurring in consideration or meditation.
an unfavorable remark or observation

each definition of the word has to do with me, not of someone else. for the last year i have spent reflecting an image or thought that was in me including; degredation, unworthiness of conversation or attention, shame, regret and self doubt. basically i was looking for the same from other people. i knew what they were thinking about me "how could she let herself get that way", "what an ugly woman" " how sad for her" " her life must be terrible".....only they weren't thinking these things, i was, so this is what i saw in my reflection of their eyes.


god is turning my heart so that i can learn to love myself again, just like he loves me. all of me and everything about me. it is amazing what losing weight and learning to like yourself will do. i have learned in the past 4 months that food is not my best friend when i get depressed. it is not the cure all for all that is hurting in me. god is the only way to heal all that is hurting, and food is only the substance that i need to nourish my body, not my spirit. i have lost 47 pounds so far, with many more to go, but i feel wonderful. i can look at the woman in the mirror and know that this woman in front of me is changing.

so, i lost some weight and turned 53, two requirements from the dr before he would scheduled a knee replacement. it is scheduled for october 17th. less than 4 weeks. i have never been so happy to endure so much pain. the dream of walking with out pain is about to come true. it is going to take a bunch of hard work, but i kicked cancers ass! and with gods help i can do anything. even look at my reflection in the mirror and like the woman i see there!

a bit of humble pie

well, i sure stuck my foot in it and god made me get out again. after my last post, scripture, prayers and a big serving of humble pie, i realize that i really am exacty where he wants me to be. see, there was this dream...and these verses in ecclesiastes, you know the ones that say everything is meaningless... but most of all there was this overwhelming feeling that i had dishonored god. so, after forgiveness comes enlightenment. this is where i need to be right now in my life. this is where he wants me to be. so here is where i will be. here is where i will listen closer, and follow even closer right now in this moment. why do we always rely on ourselves for knowing what do?  question things we know are right? if you have any answers, please remind me again that he knows best.

one foot back in the box

i feel like al pacino in godfather 3. "just when i thought i was out, it keeps pulling me back in". i turned 53 last week. nothing like turning a year older to take a closer look. i was doing so well and then doubts and wants started creeping in. bible study was great, but it wasn't really a bible study, it was a book study on christianity. many times it seemed rushed and impersonal. i am so used to being me, unmasked and raw at house church, everyone opening up with hurts, pains and needs, that this impersonal look at a book wasn't what i needed. even church hasn't been what i need. sometimes i need to be challenged in my walk with god. i need a good slap in the face with scripture to wake me up. you know, when something is said, or scripture read and you sit up straight and know that it was meant for you. i know i like to be comfortable, but i also like to be open and honest. i wanted to share my needs and pray for others needs. i want community again. i need community again. the one foot that is back in my box is the one with the bad knee. pain that causes you to be still, and keeps you from even getting up because you know how bad it is going to hurt. kind of like ripping off a bandaid, or having someone you love get in your face because they love you that much. it has to be done, so i get up and go again. so, i am searching again for a place to fit in, trying to pull my foot back out of my box.

lord, show me, heal me, discipline me, give me strength to get out of my box again. lord, help me to have just enough that i long for you more. father, give me opportunities to show you to others. in everything i do lord, let it bring you glory and honor.

Dog days

Can I just say I have never liked summer in the south. This year summer came early, it started in march. I think there was a week in there when we didn't have temps in the 90's. The humidity is so heavy sometimes, I think I am drowning. Yet, as I sit in the chemo room getting my gamma treatment, I am covered with a blanket. It is cold in here, in more ways than one. I have been in these chairs many times before. I know what channels are what on the tv. People all around me in here for different reasons. All are here for life giving treatment. To extend this life as long as we can, even though in the process it may kill us. Everyone in their own cubicle, quietly taking in the liquid in the bags. It makes me wonder what it will be like when we don't have hot, humid air; a place where we can run, sing and dance and never feel pain. I think I can endure all this life will throw at me, knowing I have that day to look forward to. No cold rooms with a dozen people hooked up to iv's.
Enduring this life isn't always a bad thing. My kids, Caroline, the future g-kids bring me such joy, I can't imagine I could have more. And then I do. Life-giving treatment is also found in Jesus. The grace and forgiveness he gives so freely, is without cost to us. Talk about joy! Knowing that he gave his life just for me, while enduring the pain of All sin ever committed and ever to be committed. For me. as you go about your daily life, remember to say a little prayer for those sitting in here with me, and then remember what an awesome gift we all have been given. Eternal life and joy unspeakable is ours because he endured.

rif, does it really mean rip?

we had another reduction in force this week at work. what this means to me is really rest in peace. i will never see these people again. they were let go, escorted out, never to be heard from again. i spent most of my hours awake with these people. they were a part of my everyday life. now they are gone. what i realized is that the few friends i have at work are all the friends i have outside of my old church friends, and most of them have moved on. mark herron, one of my special friends at work, was an incredible person. he was real, not afraid of who he was, and i really love him for that. david reid would ask me all the time "how is it looking?" referring to the workload, terry maxwell would give me an ear to ear smile and ask how i was doing, joe g was an angry man that i grew to love. richard wiley was deaf, but he didn't let that hinder him, i learned so much from him. now they are gone. we have no assurance in life, and the only the assurance i have is that i am loved, and that someday i will be with my soul mate, my savior, my king. the giver of grace and mercy that no one else can give to me. i hope that someday, we will all meet again, in that sweet, sweet place. i did my best to show jesus to them. but did i really tell them? i hope so.  i also realize that i need to find some new friends outside of work, outside of my old church. people that will share the next season of my life. i think so. so, here's to you ex-co-workers! may we meet again on that glorious day. in the mean time, i am going to  find new friends outside of work and my old church to take the adventure that will be this next season of my life.

"when jesus crashes in" again!

so here i am, having jumped out of my box completely. this week i had the opportunity (good word dad) to attend a bible study with people i have never met. alone, i went. i have never done this before in my life. to go into the home of people i didn't know, to share my faith with many people i didn't know. the couple was gracious and kind, the people that were there were open and honest. we talked about the authority of the bible, and i was able to give my input. i was also blessed to be able to pray out loud. i felt gods presence next to me the whole time, holding my hand, giving me courage. i felt so welcome and at home. if you know me, you know how huge this is. the study started at 7 and ended at 9. for once i didn't let my work hours get in the way, i let god get in the way and take control. i was obedient and he blessed me greatly.

"when jesus crashes in, out comes something beautiful! a rescue so profound, i can not hold it in" rc

out of my box

there have been times in my life that i thought i couldn't go on another minute. then god would step in and give me  a kick in the ass and i would get up again. this season in my life is going to be different. i am all about becoming the woman he created me to be.  my health is good, i feel fabulous, i found a church i really like and i am moving out of the box. this time instead of waiting for things to happen to me, i am looking for things that i can make happen.
today i am in front of the tv crocheting like a mad woman. i have the opportunity to do one of my favorite things..making baby blankets. as i work on each one i pray for the child and the mother. pray for gods unending grace, healing and protection. these women are working on restoration from addictions, bad relationships, physical and mental abuse.they have looked for unconditional love all their lives and have finally come to jesus. praise god for the women who work with these women at their darkest hour.
i also have the privilege to help a dear friend (my daughters mother in law) with her daughters wedding. i have two crock pots going, the house smells like a mexican restaurant. this woman is one of the sweetest, most caring person i have ever met. she will bend over backwards to help anyone. she comes to clean my house every couple of months, just because she knows how hard it has been for me physically.
last, i am on a weight loss program. i need to lose weight in order to get a new knee. but more than that, i need to love me again, i need to feel comfortable in my own skin, to look in the mirror and not feel shame and embarrassment. ( blog on my progress @ another journey to a new normal) god and his healing power should never amaze me, because he can do all things, but it does. every day my feet hit the floor is a miracle. i am happy, i am content and i am becoming who i was meant to be.

i have been reading psalms this week and i keep going back to this verses  85:10-13

                    love and faithfulness meet together; righteousness and peace kiss each other.
                    faithfulness springs forth from the earth and righteousness looks down from heaven.
                    the lord will indeed give what is good and our land will yield its harvest.
                    righteousness goes before him and prepares the way for his steps.

so, here i go, jumping out of my box and into the real world!

blessings in unexpected places

it has been two weeks since i was down in the basement waiting on the all clear sign. this was a huge one. the tornado had traveled so far and was taking out everything in its path. earlier that morning we had the first round of straight line winds, tornados and thunderstorm. i had left for work around 4:30 and it wasn't even raining yet. while i was at work i made the statement that i hoped a tree would fall on my house so i could rebuild a one level house. sounds stupid and immature now with all the devastation. god had other ideas. i got home around 2:30, in between storms and noticed something didn't look right. then i realized, my 60 foot hickory tree had been blown down in the backyard, taking the side of my storage building with it. wow, i really didn't know how bad this would feel. i spent the next 5 hours watching james spann on tv telling us how bad this storm was. i saw footage of this massive wall of destruction moving through city after city. lives were lost and lives were forever changed. so many people lost their lives and so many others lost everything they had. only the clothes on their backs. i felt so guilty and selfish for my words just hours earlier. the next few days felt like i was watching a movie. it looked like the war zones they show on tv. one of the guys at work lost everything, but his family was safe. people started pulling together from all walks of life and all over the country to help. twitter has become an amazing way to ask for help and to get directions of where to help. god was evident in all of it.
ok back to my problem, the tree. i called the insurance company and they sent out an disaster adjuster to let me know what they would give me to get the tree and building taken care of. there was no other damage anywhere in the neighborhood that i could find. the wind took out my tree only. so i asked him to check out the roof for me. after he inspected it all and filled out the paperwork, he told me i would be getting a new roof also. my head fell and i almost cried. i knew i needed a new roof, but would never be able to afford one. this is grace and mercy in action. getting something i don't deserve and not getting something i do deserve. the blessings are all around me now. i call a guy that used to go to church with us. he had been out of work for awhile, and his name kept coming up. he cuts down trees. he has equipment and experience.i called and he came out to give me an estimate. he told me how much he would charge for the job and i almost laughed. it was the most ridiculous amount of money...meaning it wasn't enough to bring his equipment and guys out. i said no, and quadrupled the amount and told him i wouldn't pay him a penny less. this wasn't my money. it was gods money. tears welled up in his eyes and he said "why?", and i said "because i have been so blessed". my heart was about to bust open and i was almost giddy. then i started wondering how much more giddy god is when he blesses us. every breath i take is a blessing from him. putting my feet down on the floor in the morning is a blessing from him. playing with caroline, talking to my kids...woo hoo god! you are amazing! thank you!

i opened my bible up three times tonight, each time, this is what it opened to. i am learning to listen! copy and paste the web address

psalm 145
"the lord is gracious and slow to anger, he is rich in love, he is good to all"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHXY-B5ZWng&feature

ps: i found a church! and they have a great fill in worship leader! and the roof is just gravy!

i am watching "freedom riders" brandt ayers says "people in the south felt 'i am being asked to live in a different way, i am asked to have different attitudes, i am asked to behave differently, and as i am being made to do all of these things, there are people who come on the tv in my own living room, that tell me that i am a red neck, and i am a racist and i am all of these things, and by god i'd just like to punch some of them damn agitators, right in the face. i gotta hate somebody, i gotta hate somebody'" i love the south, the history, all of it! gone with the wind was my favorite movie, to kill a mockingbird ran a close second. anything southern, i payed close attention to. i find racism here. but i also find a way of life that doesn't exist anywhere else. yes ma'am, no sir, what kin i git for you sir. and as i am watching this, my ex is getting married again. he hated what the south stood for. he hated all of it. growing up in such hatred.  renay and i have raised our kids differently. love was the answer. i should have been a hippie! peace, love and all that goes with it. i am at a turning point in my life. but i will never forget what i was taught, what i saw. people hated each other. blacks, whites, and claimed to be christians all the while. my god loves all people, saints, sinners, and those of many colors, and tonight i love them both, renay and pam. for, only god can forgive, only he can set right, only he can set me free. free to love again. to know that only he alone can give me that, love that will truly last forever. no man, no one, but only he can give me that.

holding back

i thought i was there. everything out in the open with god. oops, what a mistake....thinking. after 5 months, i feel almost normal. drs discovered the problem with my anemia, iv with iron every once in awhile. my body just doesn't absorb iron. but more than that, a discovery that i was holding onto anger and resentment. last week, every morning as i drove to work, i saw someone else when i tried to see god. no, not you renay. every single day. i argued, fought, and downright didn't want to go there. so much pain involved, so much anger and resentment. but i remembered a story i heard from my pastor. holding back...could prevent me from being me with a relationship with god, from being who i am supposed to be in christ. so, i finally gave in, and last weekend i confronted my demons, and the person who was preventing me from being free in christ. how could i expect to be forgiven if i still held a grudge. granted i think it was a valid grudge, but that is just the "human" in me talking. they didn't really listen to me , but it didn't matter,i needed to say some things and ask for forgiveness. forgiveness was given, and saturday i felt almost normal. like me again. i did laundry, grocery shopping with out the electric cart, and picked up around the house. i had energy and a joy that i hadn't experienced since the end of october. could it be? i gave it up, the thing that was holding me back? so much grace, so much mercy given to someone so unworthy. but i am worthy. worthy of the suffering, the joy and all that comes with it. thank you for loving me enough to die for me, for you are enough. nothing but you jesus, nothing but you.

so tired

i spent the day friday with a camera capsule floating through my intestines. real science fiction stuff, trying to find out why my body is anemic. saturday i spent asleep. today i needed to get a few things at the store. by the time i had made it to the check out i could hardly breathe or stand without leaning on the buggy. the rest of today i spent putting the groceries away and sleeping. i am so tired, tired of being tired and tired of all the testing. but mostly i am tired of not being able to be me. i don't know this person i have become. not feeling like baking cookies or working on a blanket is not me at all. tomorrow morning i will get up and go to work again. next weekend, i will sleep away again.

i am finishing up reading job. 42:2 says "i know that you can do all things, no plan of yours can be thwarted." so who am i to question what god has planned for me? i swallowed a camera didn't i!

precious time

i have been spending 4 afternoons a week with caroline for a couple of hours each day. i have been thinking of how much i look forward to each day. the little things she does, laughing, playing, singing, picking flowers, swinging and eating popsicles, and i get to do all of them with her. all she wants from me is time, and my attention. the sound of her laughter as she runs through the house is food for my soul. today i started thinking of the joy we have together, and how much i anxiously await her arrival each day. then i started thinking of how much time i spend with god. how he must wait anxiously for me to arrive to spend a little time with him. most of the time i am in a hurry and need to take care of something else. i spend time each morning in the bible and prayer time. a little time. not much, considering how many hours in the day. we talk on and off all day long, but no real dedication of time or attention to just him. ok, i just read that part and am feeling really guilty. i know better. just as i await for caroline to get here so we can have time together, he awaits for me to acknowledge him, give him attention, and my time. but he loves me in spite of myself. regardless of how much time i spend with him. but my desire is to please him, to worship him and to be in relationship with him....all the time. i need to find all the time, not just some of the time. time to work on this relationship again.

"hey god, got a minute? i need to talk"

crazy week

what a week. work at a standstill, layoffs abound, exhausted most days, a loving friend in need, and an amazing granddaughter that balances everything out. it is amazing how god takes us out of our own pity party to love on a friend, to grieve the loss of a fellow employee who lost their job, to smile at a song, and to laugh at a 2 1/2 yr old. god bless my friends in need, and give me the energy to run after the most amazing woman god has in the works. what a great day to be alive!

to god be the glory

i have been quiet for a while now. buried deep in my pity party, depression, chronic bronchitis, an all around feeling of worthlessness, pain, and confusion at what could be wrong with me.....again. the drs have found that i am extremely anemic and they can't figure out why. it explained a lot about some of my symptoms. last week i had the pleasure of having a colonoscopy! and by the way...who wakes up in the middle of one? yeah, i do. they found nothing, which, on one hand is reassuring and on the other, it means more tests. i will have an endoscopy tomorrow. preparation is a little easier on this test. i am torn between them finding nothing and yet finding something that we can fix. or better yet, that i have been healed again (a big thanks to all of you for your continued prayers). i have come to the conclusion that whatever god has in store for me, it will only be to glorify him. i really need to say that again, whatever god has in store for me, it will only be to glorify him. no, i really don't want to go through anything again like before...but if it is necessary for only one person to see the love of jesus in me, bring it on. because if he can die bleeding on a cross for my sins, then i can walk through fire to glorify him. your continued prayers are coveted as i go through this process.

this morning i went to church for the first time in a long time. we sang this song in worship and it really touched my heart

the more i see you....the more i find you

the more i find you.... the more i love you

i want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hand

lay back against you and breathe, feel your heartbeat

this love is so deep....it's more than i can stand

i melt in your peace, it's overwhelming

may this be my prayer, to continue looking for him and finding myself loving him more in the process, and may all my blessings and trials give him all the glory!

welcome to 2011

it is already the new year and i have been meaning to update since christmas day. breakfast at carolines christmas morning when my german pancakes actually tasted like my dads. getting to the airport and finding out my flight was delayed and that i would miss my flight in houston into lax......what am i doing?

everything i thought i would say is meaningless (except the pancakes). have you ever really anticipated something so much it consumed you? my trip to cali was all about me. how selfish is that. it was nothing i expected, not everything i wanted, but everything i needed. god gave me the "opportunity" (for you dad) to do family. i live so far away and rarely get to "do family". god put me exactly where he wanted me to be, at home with my mom, dad, sister et al, at the exact time i needed to be there, even more than when dad had his surgery. my parents have amazed me. how often do we get to go back and get a do over from our childhood? change images in our mind as children to a renewal of images as adults?

restoration and renewal is what he promises, it is what we have received.

"...the spirit helps us in our weakness. we do not know what we ought to pray for, but the spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express" (romans 8:26)

"there is now no condemnation for those who are in christ jesus (romans 8:1)

"you, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the spirit" (romans 8:9a).

"if god is for us, who can be against us?" (romans 8:31b).

"no, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us" (romans 8:37).

so, i ended up having the time of my life, a very special time. a time of renewal and feeling a part of my family again.

i wasn't going to go into any details except there is layla....

we had the opportunity to play one afternoon...what a hoot she is. we had a full fledged surprise birthday party for her wooden rocking horse...something sienna thurston, and you had to say the whole name at one time. then we did some painting and i showed her how to make different colors. she said "look, it is a rainbow" and i asked if she knew why god had sent the rainbow, that it was a promise he would never leave us (she is 3) she answered "oh that is just ridiculous!" it was all i could do to keep from rolling on the floor laughing.

"my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 corinthians 12:9)

god bless us everyone in this new year. be open for what he has in store for you....it may be the exact opposite of what you might think!