i joined a small group that went through the book "living in freedom everyday" or life! i learned about how i wanted to live my life, in freedom! some how i couldn't put it into action. there was a disconnect, puzzle pieces that didn't fit together, i just couldn't get there!
then came the retreat! friday night and all day saturday. i had no idea what to expect. no idea of what might happen. but i felt i was ready for something huge to happen, and it did! friday night i was really nervous, really apprehensive, i had no idea what to expect, and what happened was so much more than anything that i could have dreamed of! i have always been a christian and knew i was saved, what i didn't know was there was so much more than salvation that God had for me! i had no idea that i needed to detox my soul, my spirit and my body, but that is exactly what happened. each time the declaration was made and the one on one prayer happened, i felt a little lighter! i must have used a couple of boxes of kleenex all by myself. on my way home friday night, i became physically ill, sick to my stomach, throwing up. i had no idea what was happening to me. saturday morning as soon as i found one of my group members i asked her to put her hands on me and pray, i was still shaken and sick. she said i was experiencing deliverance. i felt better after and walked in the sanctuary with my head high, excited about what could possibly be better than last night! one proclamation and prayer after another, a little came off each time, then depression came! i have been depressed on and off for 37 years. my mothers family has a history with depression and it was passed down to me. i was sobbing through this proclamation and couldn't wait to get to a prayer team member! she talked to me, asked me if there was a child that died. things came out from years ago about abortion, deep depression and other things i haven't thought about for years! she held my head close and asked me to close my eyes and see God. i saw Him on a mountain in white with dirt on his feet and marks on his hands. i couldn't see his face, only the warm loving eyes looking toward me. he wanted all of me, all my sin, all my shame, all of my guilt and he wanted it then. as she prayed, i started shaking, she started praying in her prayer language, i kept shaking with my eyes closed, then i ran to him, he held me and the shaking stopped. i was jelly, every fiber in my being was relaxed, i was free! i couldn't believe what had just happened, she told me that she was God's instrument and not the lady in the red shirt at church of the highlands, and i said i knew that already! then a man started talking about how sorry he was for all the things he did to hurt me, again i reached for the kleenex and started sobbing! proclamation and prayer and release from the pain of abuse! all of this was almost more than i could handle. praying to be baptized in the holy spirit was just icing on the cake. i have not found my prayer language yet, but have found i have this intimacy with God that i never had before. the disconnect is gone, there is no more missing puzzle pieces! i went home saturday night exhausted. i had to stop on the side of the road, i was throwing up again! i realized at that point i had physically emptied the trash out of my body and was whole again! what happened is still digesting but i am seeing everything differently now. i am looking forward to this new year, for God to reveal his gifts to me and to see what he has in store for me in this new season of Living In Freedom Everyday!
