sheila

i spent the last week with my sister. you may think "ok, and?". the first thing that pops into my head is "wow, i just spent a week with my sister!". we live 2220 miles away from each other and don't talk often because we are busy living our lives. we didn't know each other very well either, we live 2200 miles away from each other. the last time we spent any time alone together was 1988. and did i mention we live 2200 miles apart? when we do visit each other there is family and things moving at such a fast pace we only touched the surface of each others lives. this time it was just me and her. this time she came out alone to help me as i recover. we talked, watched funny movies, laughed and cried together. did the things sisters do together. she rearranged furniture, organized rooms, cleaned out closests and bedrooms. as i watched her do this, i realized that this is her, this is who she is. never still for long, helping out where she can. she drank beer, i drank my tequila! we talked of life, past and present. talked about god, church, family and shared in memories that only siblings share. i found a place in my heart that had grown cold and lonely fill with warmth and love again. until next time sweet sister! i will miss you still, but this time i will hold you close in my heart! and your phone will ring more often!

ouch

ok, the surgery is over,the pain when I woke up was almost unbearable. misty said i was like a junkie desperate for a fix, oh what pain it was too. today i am 5 days out and getting around pretty well. probably more than i should. i have been spending about 6 hours on a continuous passive movement machine, or a cpm. physical therapy 2 times a day, eat, sleep and pee...alot. i really don't know what i expected, but i am doing better than i thought i would be, the pain is different than before, i am able to find a place where i am not in pain, making sleep come quicker and last longer. i have lost an additional 4 pounds since i came home, probably because i am exercising for the first time in a long time. i am really surpeised i am sticking to my diet plan. it would be so easy to eat a bunch of comfort food, but that is what my relationship was with food in the past. misty and bobbie have been taking turns staying with me, misty of course thinks she has to do it all! Sheila will come monday night and spend a week with me. mom and dad shortly after she leaves. i won't be alone much in the next few weeks. far different from my everyday life. in the meantime, i am extremely bored. sleepy, but just can't quite get to sleep. i want to crochet, but just can't pick up the yarn. i have to get outside today, even if it is just a drive to the store for a diet coke! a new life right around at the corner! i can do all things through christ who strengthens me. phil 4:13

anticipation

ok, I am going to admit that I am getting a little scared. one week from tomorrow, a day I have been looking forward to for a couple of years, I will get my new knee. I have worked hard to lose the weight I needed to lose so the dr would say yes. so, with my weight loss and my new knee I will become a new kim, on the outside. the inside still needs a lot of work. I am still lonely and tired of always having an excuse why I don't go anywhere or do anything. anticipation of a new me is emerging on the horizon. I can feel it, and I desperately want it. so, although I am a little scared of the pain and recovery from a new knee, I anxiously await the new me that I will become. I am also excited that my sister is coming the week after while I recover and that my parents will finally make the trip they planned last October when dad found out he had cancer. mom had her second knee done in august and is recovering just fine.

one last thing... I have been trying to fit in where I think god is wanting me to be, but I still have this longing for "my" family church. is it possible that rooted in this family is where I need to be, and at the same time try to feel like I belong to something else? this is an ongoing struggle I have had for a long time. I try to listen but I just don't hear. I read the word every day, yet I still can't hear. tonight I will meet with "my" family again. we will eat together, pray together and love on each other. Wednesday night I will go to my new group and we will talk and pray together.( ooooh, I hope Rodney gets his guitar out tonight) I will meet god in both places, and that is always a good thing. I am listening god!