i have been quiet for a while now. buried deep in my pity party, depression, chronic bronchitis, an all around feeling of worthlessness, pain, and confusion at what could be wrong with me.....again. the drs have found that i am extremely anemic and they can't figure out why. it explained a lot about some of my symptoms. last week i had the pleasure of having a colonoscopy! and by the way...who wakes up in the middle of one? yeah, i do. they found nothing, which, on one hand is reassuring and on the other, it means more tests. i will have an endoscopy tomorrow. preparation is a little easier on this test. i am torn between them finding nothing and yet finding something that we can fix. or better yet, that i have been healed again (a big thanks to all of you for your continued prayers). i have come to the conclusion that whatever god has in store for me, it will only be to
glorify him. i really need to say that again, whatever god has in store for me, it will only be to
glorify him. no, i really don't want to go through anything again like before...but if it is necessary for only one person to see the love of jesus in me, bring it on. because if he can die bleeding on a cross for my sins, then i can walk through fire to glorify him. your continued prayers are coveted as i go through this process.
this morning i went to church for the first time in a long time. we sang this song in worship and it really touched my heart
the more i see you....the more i find you
the more i find you.... the more i love you
i want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hand
lay back against you and breathe, feel your heartbeat
this love is so deep....it's more than i can stand
i melt in your peace, it's overwhelming
may this be my prayer, to continue looking for him and finding myself loving him more in the process, and may all my blessings and trials give him all the glory!
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