anticipation

ok, I am going to admit that I am getting a little scared. one week from tomorrow, a day I have been looking forward to for a couple of years, I will get my new knee. I have worked hard to lose the weight I needed to lose so the dr would say yes. so, with my weight loss and my new knee I will become a new kim, on the outside. the inside still needs a lot of work. I am still lonely and tired of always having an excuse why I don't go anywhere or do anything. anticipation of a new me is emerging on the horizon. I can feel it, and I desperately want it. so, although I am a little scared of the pain and recovery from a new knee, I anxiously await the new me that I will become. I am also excited that my sister is coming the week after while I recover and that my parents will finally make the trip they planned last October when dad found out he had cancer. mom had her second knee done in august and is recovering just fine.

one last thing... I have been trying to fit in where I think god is wanting me to be, but I still have this longing for "my" family church. is it possible that rooted in this family is where I need to be, and at the same time try to feel like I belong to something else? this is an ongoing struggle I have had for a long time. I try to listen but I just don't hear. I read the word every day, yet I still can't hear. tonight I will meet with "my" family again. we will eat together, pray together and love on each other. Wednesday night I will go to my new group and we will talk and pray together.( ooooh, I hope Rodney gets his guitar out tonight) I will meet god in both places, and that is always a good thing. I am listening god!