i talk to myself all the time. i tell myself all the things i want to do...read my bible, dishes, laundry, vacuum, clean out the fridge, lose 100 pounds, eat healthy. i do this when i am driving to work after i pray. i make all these plans of things i want to do. by the time i get home i am so tired i can't move. i stay in a lot of pain most of the time, and my lungs don't work very well either. today i managed to do a load of wash and play with caroline for a while. tomorrow i will bake some cookies and clean the kitchen and go to house church. i will pull out my bible at work and read for a short period of time, better than no time, but i feel so guilty not spending more time in it.
today i feel like paul in romans 7 " for what i want to do i do not do, but what i hate i do" " for i have the desire to do what is good, but i cannot carry it out"
i love to tell myself that i can do this on my own. well it hasn't worked so far, so who am i kidding. i can only do all things through christ who strengthens me. if only i could remember that when i am in the moment.