seeing a bit more clearly

ok, i went to the mega church and didn't die. i did however have a major anxiety attack. so many people, i felt like i was at disneyland or a major concert. weaving through the people in order to find our seats, i kept breathing deep and praying. i sat down, bowed my head and prayed some more. i really do not like big crowds and this was definitely as hard as i thought it would be.  but, once in my seat, deep breathing stopped and a calmness came over me. we started singing, an although i wasn't overwhelmed by the first couple of songs, by the third song i started praising with lifted hands. jesus was there with me, because this is something i could not do on my own. singing, praying and listening to a bible based sermon i met him there. i am going to give this a try, and not make any judgement after only one visit. i will continue to pray for guidance and for my struggle to be obedient in these situations (lots of people around). actually, i struggle to be obedient in a lot more areas of my life. i get devotionals by email every day. today in two different emails i see a pattern:
  "because you know that your labor in the lord is not in vain. 1st corinthians 15
  "and then i will be able to boast on the day of christ that i did not run or labor in vain. philippians 2 
definitely a pattern: my labor will not be in vain. wow! don't you ever feel like everything you do really doesn't matter? that no one really cares or notices? i know i do, all the time. but now i see, that christ sees it all and it really isn't in vain, that it really matters.
i still have some splinters left poking me in the eye that need some attention, but that will always be an on going thing. on this matter though, a huge portion is out and i can see a bit more clearly. so, i will be at that mega church this sunday, just a little bit earlier, and will do so knowing it won't be in vain.