a grandson

i remember when i found out i was pregnant with sasha, i cried. and i cried with a sadness that i couldn't possible love this new baby as much as i did this precious little 8 month old baby girl of mine. of course i worried about it for  the whole pregnancy. how could i possibly love this baby as much as misty? and then i gave birth to a baby boy. i can only say that in that moment i understood that i could love this baby boy as much as my daughter. my heart swelled and grew as i suddenly had all the room i needed for this little boy to take hold of. of course everyone knows about mothers and sons....we tend to spoil them, and i did. sorry bobbie, i know you are paying for it now!



it is funny that i never had this thought when i found out i was going to be a grandma again. i knew, i really knew that my heart would grow and swell big enough to hold all the love i needed to give this new baby. yesterday i found out i was going to have a grandson, and immediately i felt my heart grow and swell. over the next few months it will be so full i won't be able to contain myself until i can hold this sweet baby boy in my arms. in the meantime, i will continue to love on my sweet caroline. she isn't so happy about it being a baby brother right now. i know that i will give each of my grandchildren all the love they can hold in their hearts, and of course all the popsicles they can eat!

it was after misty was born that i would think about how much my parents loved me, how much more god loved me. now 33 yrs later i continue to realize he has always loved me, even before i was born. now i sometimes think how could god love me that much, with everything i seem to get wrong, my screw ups and especially during those dark days when i went looking in other places for my salvation. then i realize, no matter what my kids do i will always love them, and so much more than that, he will always love me. jesus loves me this i do know, and not just cuz the bible tells me so!