to the leftovers

one of my favorite things to do is crochet. to take a ball of yarn and with my own hands make it into something warm and comfortable for another person.over the last 20 years i have made more baby blankets and hats than i can remember, and sometimes when i think of gifts to give people i can't remember if i have made an afghan for them yet. i have made hats and scarves for so many that i have forgotten them too. in all this time i have never made one for me and kept it. the last couple of months i decided to make one for myself. to use all my leftover yarn from some of my gifts to create something for me. i wasn't sure what it would look like, but i didn't care. i wanted one for my bed, so i made one. above is my blanket. you can see the yarn from some of the baby blankets in the middle, and the other colors from the many blankets i have make for my loved ones. no big deal, just the leftovers. isn't it beautiful?
during this weight loss period of my life, i am going for counseling. during my last session, i was talking about my blanket and she made the comment "you now think enough about yourself to finally make a blanket for yourself. you have spent all this time doing for everyone else and forgetting about yourself,and now you have finally learned to think of yourself as important, to love yourself as you have loved others, you are worthy." wow, can i just say my jaw dropped as i realized she was right. the discovery that i am truly happy about who i am. that for my entire life, i have never felt like this. after years and years of faking it and wearing so many masks, i have taken them off and have become a real person. the leftovers. i am who i am today because of all the leftovers. the little pieces of everyone, that are woven into me. the little pieces that all fit so perfectly together now into the woman i have become. the woman that god had in mind when he first thought of me. this woman, who was  broken and shattered into so many pieces, only he could put me back together, thread by thread, the way i was meant to be. full of love for him, myself and others. me, right there in the middle, between all that he created me to be and you, all that you allow me to be.
beautiful leftovers......sometimes they are the best part of life!