memories, old and new

labor day weekend, i am at the beach on the gulf coast. it is so beautiful here, it's hard to believe that in the last 4 months millions of gallons of oil has spilled. but because of that oil spill, and merrie, i am able to enjoy a long weekend with sasha, bobbie and caroline, along with rodney, melinda, claire and maggie calfee. i have never stayed so close to the beach before, i have never been so amazed at gods wondrous handwork. the dolphins swim by 3-4 times a day. they are so beautiful, some swimming two by two, so close to each other, they must be mates. the sand, the water, the sky. schools of tiny fish, crabs and so many different kind of birds i couldn't count. the children laughing and playing all around me, the tiny cries of surprise, the squeals, the real tears when they have to get out of the water.


while describing this vacation, i am quickly drawn to my family vacations growing up. i remember vacations like this, my mom & dad, me and my sister sheila. the first real one, we drove up to british columbia and back, sitting in the back of a light blue '64 cadillac, with a home made desk my dad had put together. it had a map in the middle of our trip, and we would draw a line on the distance we had gone each day. we listened to herb albert and the tijuana brass, andy williams, glenn miller and a bunch of other big bands that I can't remember the names of.….....all still fresh in my mind when i hear them play now. we stayed at a motel with a pool....wow, we had finally made it! we didn't want to wait until we registered, we wanted to go directly to the pool. there was an ice machine that dispensed ice for free, we could put the bucket from our room in it and it would fill up like magic. i didn't know you could get ice any other way than with a metal ice tray. we traveled northward for days. when we finally reached canada, the only thing i can remember is loosing my wallet at butchart gardens. it had 75 cents in it. sheila and i had a bunch of matching outfits, i had gotten my hair trimmed before we left, she cut it too short and I ended up with a pixie, dad wore socks with shorts, and moms hair was frozen in time. the things we remember after decades go by. i really remember how happy we all were. It was family time, and it was good.
I would spend a few weeks each summer with my grandparents. moms' parents lived in bakersfield, the thing I remember the most is the water cooler they had cooling off the house. it was in the living room and i would lay on the floor very still and feel the damp coolness it put out. grandpa cooked some frog legs one summer, there was a canal across the street we would play in and around. summers were so hot there. dads' parents lived in many places, he was a pastor that would actually build a building and start a church in it. we spent time helping him.
later years we spent summers at a cabin, fishing, laying out, playing cards and eating ice cream out of a huge tub we would buy before we got there. i can't remember the name of the ice cream, but if i called my dad right now, he would. when we went fishing, you could see through the water and watch them bite the hook. back at the cabin i would scale them, sheila would gut them, mom would cook them. the last time we went i was a sophomore in high school. we had a foreign exchange student with us, her name was Alba. (my parents stayed close to her family in paraguay, she died several years ago of breast cancer.)
when we got a bit older we started going to trinity lake, just south of shasta. we would camp out, you know, sleep in cots outside under the stars! listening to james taylor, eagles and others on the portable 8 track player. we would bathe, shave our legs and wash our hair in the lake. the irwins, the gumms and the steelheads were there too. we went for another two years. my senior year was the last year we went, my sister had an exchange student that year that went with us. we also went to hawaii that year, the big island and mauna loa. i remember mom & dad wanted us to drive up some volcano to see all the greenery, seriously, didn't they know all we wanted to do was go to the beach. the two of us also learned to surf while we were there.  it was the last summer it was just the four of us. there are so many small moments during those times I will always remember...the smells, the stars, the music, the quietness of the outdoors.
i wish i could have given more of those same kind of memories to my kids. we were never very smart with our money and really never did a yearly vacation. when we did go, it was very stressful, renay and I didn't get along real well and i am sure the kids felt it.
i really didn't start out this post with remembrance in mind. but I had that same sense of peace and family on the beach that i felt when I was young. i felt like a little girl, wishing my mom & dad were there with me.


i found out the day before we left that my dad has esophageal cancer.....how could that be? nothing can bring down my dad. he is the one that made that special desk for the caddy that we took our first vacation in. he showed me all the important things in life like how to hammer, put up sheet rock, opening up your home to people in need. he taught us how to plant and water a garden, to give up our saturdays all during our high school years to build a house, for us to learn about sacrifice, how to work together and with others. he would wake us up and make us get up out of bed every time a space rocket took off, no matter what time of night it was. telling me that feelings just are, not good or bad, they just are. i will never forget the look on his face as he gave me away at my wedding.
i am praying that god will guide the drs during the surgery and they will get everything with little or no treatment afterword. i talked to mom today, she said he had a real peace about all this. i know that peace, i felt it when i was diagnosed. i didn't suddenly feel the need to go sky diving, sail around the world, ride a bull named fu manchu or any other stupid daring thing. i only wanted to see my grandchild, and that gift was given to me in caroline.
All of our vacations showed me the importance of family, exploring new things, sometimes doing things we weren't sure we could do, and the special times together. I am going home for my sisters birthday this christmas. To be with my original family, on vacation again.

thanks mom and dad, we may have thought you guys were weird growing up, but you were so loving and giving, teaching us all the while.

here are the sweet girls i was blessed to spend time with this past weekend

maggie, clair, and my caroline