what a difference a year makes

ok folks, here it is. my before picture. it has been almost a year since that picture was taken. not only was my body a mess, my spirit was broken. i was unhappy, depressed, in pain constantly and couldn't stand to look at myself in the mirror. i was so ashamed of who i had become and of my inner self for letting me become this person.

 

i know i posted this picture last week, but it is worth posting again. i am 85 pounds less and happier than i have ever been. i am no longer in pain. i can climb stairs, play in the floor, build sand castles, get up out of a chair and walk for hours. i can look in the mirror and say to myself "good morning self, you are a beautiful and wonderful woman" with no doubt and no shame of whom i have become.

i have worked hard to get where i am today and will continue to work until i reach my goal of 100 pounds. i have not done this alone though. god was with me all the way. the dieting, the pain from surgery and rehab, and the complete healing of body and soul, it was only by his grace that i could do this. only by his grace that i will continue to do this, to live again. i was so dead inside of my depression, i knew how to crawl out but i needed his pushing and pulling, and finally giving in to his grace and forgivenss, i found myself again.

psalms 145

1 I will extol you, my God and King, and bless your name forever and ever.

2 Every day I will bless you and praise your name forever and ever.

3 Great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised, and his greatness is unsearchable.

4 One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts.

5 On the glorious splendor of your majesty, and on your wondrous works, I will meditate.

6 They shall speak of the might of your awesome deeds, and I will declare your greatness.

7 They shall pour forth the fame of your abundant goodness and shall sing aloud of your righteousness.

8 The LORD is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love.

9 The LORD is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made.

 

his mercy is over all that he has made....and he has made me. i know that even when i didn't love myself, he loved me anyway. today, i sing his praises and give him all the glory, for healing my spirit and showering me with his mercy.